Post #100

Haven't blogged a while. Not really inspired lately.
But! I shall blog today for the sake of killing boredom.
Everything is gonna be random and unorganised here whatever that comes to mind i will just type.

4/9/10
Went for orientation at melaka. I freaked out after the dean's speech ("You cannot escape from memorising! Its the basic like abc and your multiplication table. You dont memorise you cant continue in further advanced level.. Mind maps are useless!" and a lot more you-don't-work-hard-you-will-die talk. Boo.) and after having an outlook of our timetable ( Mondays to Saturdays 8am to 5pm in between only 2 hour lunch break). It feels like I will be crying day and night there due to the stress and homesickness and whatnot. Hostel arrangements totally sucked. We weren't given any briefing about the hostels and after the orientation they announced " Ok get to the counter outside the hall to book your hostel rooms." Everyone were like a herd of lost sheep and we start pushing and asking while staring at the list of hostels and price. Yeesh. Anyway i got a twin sharing and my future room mate is from Penang. She seems pretty nice hope we can get along well.

**

Random fact no. 1 : I havent finish packing.
Random fact no 2 : I baked a chocolate cake that looks horrible but tastes not bad
Random fact no 3: Finished a book Before I Fall. Not bad.
Random fact no 4: I don't think I'm ready for dentistry. I've forgotten everything I learned in A levels.
Random fact no 5 : I'm gonna miss everything back in kl.

***

I've been told we should learn how to accept.
When we face a problem normally we go through this 5 stages.
1. We go like.. "Why!!?? Why?? How could this happen to me??"
2. Then we start denying the problem.
3. The problem haunts you day and night and you get so soo depressed and miserable over it.
4. This is only when we start to accept that we have to live with it.
5. And finally doing something about it.

It seems that there are very few that can jump straight to no 4 and 5.
People with extremely high EQ i guess.
Something I really need to develop.

***

Anger is something very scary. It makes you go violent. It makes you want to hurt yourself. It makes you want to stab yourself. It makes you hurt others. In the end it makes you cry.

I guess it's kind of hard to get blessings from everyone you know.
I mean the type of blessings which is true from the heart.
Some people just put smiles on their faces.
And that's it.

I'm starting to wonder should I even care
or should I just pretend that I don't know

but you can't live alone forever

One thing about studying..
It robs you of your senses. well of course there's our sight but whatever.
My mum has been pulling me to her garden and she asks
"How long have you not have any fresh air and have you ever take notice of my flowers?"
I notice that she's right.

So i took a breather yesterday evening.
It was windy and for the 1st time ( ok i know i suck ) i hear the sound of the bamboo leaves hitting against each other.
it was the sound of waves hitting on a shore and it was so beautiful.
And i wondered how did I not notice this before.
And I thought "I'm back and alive again"

Officially end of A-levels today!! Yay!

These 18 months in ucsi has been a roller coaster ride.

To my friends, you all know who you are, I thank you all for the precious moments.

All the nicknames you give me ranging from phang phang, rambutan, miaow wei, chipmunk/chippette (is this the correct spelling?)...

our daily brunch together during class breaks including the long and torturing process of deciding where to eat everyday...

all of your laughter and stupid cold jokes and vanity...

will be something I miss after we part our ways.

and of course candy's birth date will be something that i will not forget hehe. 13th of october right? =p just kidding la

wishing all the best to you all my friends lets keep in touch =) and in the meantime before we start our degree... happy holidays and have fun! take care =)

Why don't you ever talk to your brother when he comes back?

It has always been like that.

Only after I was asked, I realised that the tension was still there. I don't seem to know and seem to care. It's not the age gap, and its not the gender issues that doesn't restrict siblings.
I am still keeping my distance from him. I learned from past experiences that, to avoid conflict, just remain silent and minimise contact. And I am still holding on to that principle, in this case.

Yes, I know its all in the past it should be long forgotten and forgiven and I know I can't blame him for his past mistakes. But you can't blame me for hating it. You can't just pretend it didn't happen.. that easily.

You might think a sorry would fix everything. It was easy for him, I have to say. He didn't have to deal with the aftermath of his tantrums. He didn't have to feel scared every night worrying about the yelling and fights. He wasn't the one who heard our parents sigh. He wasn't the one who have to face our parent's red eyes. He wasn't the one who received the blow in the eyes. He had no idea the damage he caused.

Ok try to imagine this scenario
Let's say a chunk of meat is removed from your arm. An extremely big wound, painful and bleeding like hell. And so you let it heal by itself, slowly and eventually but painfully the bleeding will stop and the wound dries up. But the wound never covers back and the ugly old scar will be there with you for life. And occasionally, it bleeds again when there is a gentle bump.

That is how I describe my situation. I've persuade myself to forgive him, and which I did as there weren't always the bad times. But there is where I left everything to be. From that onwards I didn't make any extra effort to improve my understanding and caring for him. I wasn't the one to initiate the conversation. He was just like a regular 6 year older than me senior who I met occasionally and has access to home. I don't think we even had any heart to heart brother to sister conversation. At all. Nothing more and less.

It is quite saddening when I am thinking of all this. Because we'll be going our separate ways- he's getting married soon which I am really happy for him, he's going to have a family of his own and I'll be studying in which maybe the next 5 years our contact will be further deprived of. I can kind of imagine in the next further years... we would be like total strangers. Maybe just a hi and bye between us but things may go for the better I dunno.

I know no matter what, he's of the same surname as me we share some common genes and he's my brother. He is a member of the family and I should love him as a sister which I do, and I'm hoping that things between us will change, someday.

Gee it's great after being out late,
Walking my baby back home.
Arm and arm over meadow and farm,
Walking my baby back home.

We go along harmonizing a song,
Or I'm reciting a poem.
Owls go by and they give me the eye,
Walking my baby back home.

We stop for a while, she gives me a smile,
And snuggles her head on my chest.
We started to pet, and that's when I get
Her talcum all over my vest.

After I kind of straighten my tie,
She has to borrow my comb.
One kiss then I continue again,
Walking my baby back home.

She's afraid of the dark
So I had to park outside of her door till its light
She's says if I try to kiss her she'll cry
Ill dry her tears all through the night

Hand in Hand to a barbeque stand
Right from her doorway we roam
Eats and then its a pleasure again
Walking my baby, Talking my baby
Loving my baby, I don't mean maybe
Walking my baby back home

~Walking My Baby Back Home Nat King Cole

Don't you think that this is the cutest song ever?
The thing about songs now is that
They will never have lyrics like this
And although this song is an oldie
I'll have to say its really really beautiful.

To those who are so tired of Pitbull, Lady Gaga, Sean Kingston and etc
Tune in to Swing Time Lite Fm Sunday, 9 to 12 pm
Beautiful songs =)

If you can finish this highlighter within one month I will give you one for free.

Really? You said it!

And I foolishly finished the highlighter in 1 month

Hoping for not only the highlighter but a little more surprises.

I did get the highlighter. But I knew the latter was impossible.

So I gave up.

On the person I hated so much at first but managed to make me think twice about that.

Lol. Just suddenly thought of this today and it kind of occured to me that maybe I'm still that same girl who didn't have any confident in herself then.

Possible questions that I will be asked tomorrow:

1. Why dentistry?
Because I don't like the other science related courses... besides these 32 teeth are really a good source of income. Face the truth everyone works for money. Its just that this one pays better. Just be grateful I'm paying you and you are adding another dentist in the society. You happy I happy =D

2.Many other jobs can earn lots of money too... why dentistry?
you mean politicians? police? coffee money?

3. Describe yourself.
My name is Phang Jia Wei. I am a girl. I am 19 this year. I am 163 cm tall. My weight... can we skip that?

4.Why do you deserve a place here?
Because everyone deserves a chance =) And its about you deserving me =p I know you're desperate to fill up those empty spaces.. lol

Lol I wonder what will their response be if I answered like that xD Just joking anyway.
Hope everything will be fine tomorrow =)

After 4 months of attending her class... I've decided I should dedicate this post to my bio lecturer for this semester.
Is she that great?
Yes in a kind of way she is.

For instance she is very hardworking.
She tries so so so hard to find bio notes from the internet, copy paste them into words, print them out on a paper, then copy it on the whiteboard exact word by word. Like, which lecturer would ever do that? Google is just a click away for us students anyway isn't it?

Oh yes she has a very interesting religion. In her religion, the marking scheme is her God. All doubts in this world would be answered by the marking scheme if you worship it hard enough. Every word in the marking scheme should be followed exactly or catastrophe shall fall on thou.

Its really amazing how powerful her lectures are even our brains cant take it. 10 minutes is enough for her to make all our brain functions slow down and eventually stop.

Well, her sense of humour and her enthusiasm in teaching is quite unique. She takes her students opinions into quite some consideration.

"Miss what is the other risk involved?"
"Hmm Im not really sure about that its not written in here. I'll find out for you tomorrow. Hmm What do you think is the risk involved then?"
"If I knew I wouldn't have ask?"

oh well maybe thats her way in making jokes.

She really is very considerative. She calls the class off 15 minutes before the exact time for our brains are already "saturated and exploding" Sometimes even 30 minutes. Yes our brain needs lots of rest mine has been in rusting mode due to excess rest, unfortunately.

Is she popular among students?

Oh yes. I heard there are students who beg for her interesting story telling time. And I heard there are the jpa students who just adore her and can't bear to see her leave. And not to forget her wide social network. She has got this one friend and a few more who really has a dramatic life.

I wonder if anyone has ever told her how experienced and how great she is in teaching. 8 years of teaching in ucsi like that is great isn't it?

seriously someday someone has to give her a wakeup call.
We're paying her. although for my case the school is. What a good investment for bio education.

You know what would ultimately make up my day?
Seeing someone stand up to her and say

"Its pronounced as DEE-fuse not DAI-fuse!" *diffuse*

xD lols

Its all about choices and consequences.
But its not always as easy as choosing the most beautifully paved in a forked path.

If any of my readers are still reading..
this is the reason behind my emoness
confused with all the choices

but yes people i decided.

dentistry in manipal. 2 years in india. this september. with him.

and i wont regret

Suddenly I notice that its the small gestures that shows the most.

That morning I saw my dad waving me goodbye from his bedroom window as I walked out of the gate.

Normally he would still have been sleeping.

I didnt know why but that just suddenly made me feel very safe like he's watching over me at all times.. making sure I'm ok =)

Ever since I've been looking up at his window every morning before I leave for college.

And just that motivates me to go through everyday.

I want my results

ASAP

Suspense

Please stop torturing me

Edexcel board

When is the doomsday?

I dont care. Just give me my A's

I've realised I've developed this tendency of thinking too much.

Like who the hell analyses

" Oh ok lo... its nothing... "

into

" I hate you I'm tired of you"

except me.

I hate what's becoming of me.

Oh shoosh this blog is now officially my emo spamming space.

Hopefully that will change. Soon.

I need a little more hugs and smiles and LOADS of confidence.

Exams are over! Yay!

Its so evil that the papers this time were hard. =(
So different from past years.

the new syllabus is so evil too. There's no time for you to stop and think at all.
Just enough time for look and write but the questions are just so brain damaging how on earth are we going to finish?

anyways... cny is coming.. i need to go shopping!

Who want join me?

recruiting a cny shopping team now =)
and yes I gotta meet up with gowrie and max and everyone else too =)

YOU
stop polluting my blog
stop posting stupid comments
stop messing with my friend
give a little respect to my friends and yours as well
don't destroy anymore of that tiny speck of good impression that I have left in you
don't make me feel disgusted with you
don't make me swear to you
don't know how nasty I can be when I want to

So don't push it.

and yes I really want to say that day,

Its none of YOUR business

My tear glands are extra active lately.
Its burning my eyes.

But its ok.

I've been asked a question that day
"You love chua siong hui?"

definitely. It's worth every while.

Shoot. 1st exam day tomorrow.
C1 C2 and chemistry unit 3

Better be easy.

Because I've been in play mode and I still am. =P

I think I need all the luck in the world tomorrow.
To all my friends, good luck too!

Happy New Year !

Happy New Year Everyone! Wishing everyone all the best in 2010 and the years to come =)

Don't really have any new year resolutions...Just wish that all goes well =)

Exam in 10 days =( I really need some luck. Anyways just going to give my best.